i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
