Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
