He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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