I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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