so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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