you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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