I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
