i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
