he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
