She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
