First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
