I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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