Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
