Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
