Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sobbing to NWA
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
