remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
