duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
