Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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