Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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