I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
