you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Are my feet made of real feet?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
