Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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