I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
