Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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