I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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