I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
