went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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