he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
