This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
