JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
