STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
