He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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