Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
