He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
