I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
