Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
