Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
