he thought i was a dude.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
