He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i was born a porn star she said
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
