how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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