I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
