Betty ford says i'm here all night
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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