I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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