Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
