dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
