btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
