It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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