If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
