you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
