this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
