you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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